Angels On The Moon: Ian Rider
by Shyma Tavrott Lupin
Summary: Even I, Ian Rider can’t hide from the truth. I am dying. Slowly but surely inside I am dying. But I don’t need you to tell me that.


Hey guys, just another song-fic for you. I kno I've already done this song with Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars but it's just such a great song and it applies to Ian too so I thought I'd give it a shot. Enjoy!

**Do you dream that the world will know your name,**

Contradictory to popular belief, I Ian Rider am not a complete blind idiot when it comes to my nephew Alex.

I do in fact know that school isn't very merciful to him, that he has a hard time keeping up in geometry as well as the fact that he is bullied; I didn't just enroll him into tae kwon do because of MI6

I am also aware that his dream is to become a famous football player.

**  
****So tell me your name**

It's not my fault though that he doesn't tell me these things. That I have to figure them out myself.

Serves me right I guess. For all the mysterious subliminal messaging bullshit I feed him. For all the times he's asked me for help with something and I've replied with a life lesson instead of just helping him like a normal uncle.

**  
****And do you care, about all the little things,****Or anything at all**

But that's not exactly all I do to him.

See, in all 28 years of my life, I've seen far too much. I saw things at Alex's age that men twice my own age will get the privilege to never see. It hardened me

It made me a person I don't exactly enjoy being. And to top it off it made me almost emotionless.

And my nephew is one of the few people that make me feel. Trouble is I can't exactly show it like most uncles.

We spend time together by sparring (when we're not on one of our great adventures to the wild beyond) and I show that I am proud of him by pushing him forward.

Praying that he sees the meanings between the little things I say or do to him.

**  
****I wanna feel all the chemicals inside,****I wanna feel,**

I am only 28 years old; however I have completely detached myself from the world. I've thrown the idea of love out of my life, as well as the longing every man has for a family. Because my brother made the mistake of letting all that in.

We were MI6; we didn't let our guard down, let in weaknesses. Where the hell did he think he was going to get by getting married and having a family? No where. But clearly he couldn't see that and look where he is now.

_May you rest in peace John Ethan Rider. You were a good brother, friend and colleague. As your 'baby brother' you'd like to call me, my love for you is infinite. To this day it is hard making it through the days without your guidance and support. Amen._

His death is really what set me off. Made me the cold, desolate person I am today.

It made me numb and I will never share the same fate as John.

Because heaven knows I don't ever want Alex to end up like me.

**  
****I wanna sunburn just to know that I'm alive,****To know I'm alive,**

I take the most dangerous missions that MI6 has to offer. I know they will involve myself getting injured. Which is half the reason I take them. It reminds me that I have something to live for.

Because somehow when there's a bullet in my chest it's easier to remember there's something worth fighting for out there.

**  
****Don't tell me if I'm dying, Cause I don't wanna know,**

But even I can't hide from the truth. I am dying. Slowly but surely inside I _am_ dying. But I don't need you to tell me that.

**  
****If I can't see the sun,****Maybe I should go,**

Is it really worth living like this? Living like the world has already ended and I'm just a sole lonely survivor? When it's come this far, then isn't it just better off for me to…go?

**  
****Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming,****Of angels on the moon,**

I dream, yes even I dream. I dream of a place where people are pure, unlike the ones I live and work around. Angels on the moon, Mum used to say when I told her about the perfect place.

**  
****Where everyone you know,****Never leaves too soon****  
**

Where everyone you ever knew is, where they never leave you cold and alone. Of course that dream will never come true, because the place in my dreams in is heaven. And god knows I have sinned. I have killed and murdered without a singled regret and the only place I'm headed to is hell. No doubt.

**  
****Do you believe in the day that you were born,****Tell me do you believe,**

John and I share the same birthday even though he's seven years older than me. Exactly seven years.

Growing up I thought it was incredibly cool, sharing the same birth date as the older brother I so dearly idolized. After he died though, March 31st just became a taboo.

**  
****And do you know that every day's the first of the rest of your life,****  
**

I remember when I was nineteen John pulled me aside one day. And he said to me,

"_Ian, we are MI6 agents. Any day can be our last, and you my wonderful baby brother are one of the most important people of my life-"_

"_Not the first time I'm hearing that"_

"_Don't interrupt, Ian, I'm trying to be sensitive, Helen says I need to do it more often…"_

"_She's right"_

"_Anywho, I'm going on a mission with Ash tomorrow-"_

"_Lovely"_

"_Ian, let me finish. I know you don't like him but for god's sake leave him alone, he's my best friend-"_

"_If you're going to keep me here because you want to talk about Ash I'm going. You're two year old son is more entertaining than this"_

"_No, Ian, listen to me. This is a serious mission and it might take a long time. A few weeks, months, we're not sure. And we're definitely not sure if we can pull this one off and come back in one piece…"_

"_You're talking like you're going to die tomorrow"_

"_You never know-that's my point. If I don't make it out of this one, you have to promise me to watch over my wife and kid, take care of them, you know?"_

"_I know"_

"_And yourself. You have a habit of forgetting yourself when it comes to others…don't do that. Take care of yourself, live on kiddo, because every day is the first of the rest of your life"_

"_Where'd you get that last one from? A song?"_

"_Actually, yes…It sounded better when the guy sang it…"_

"_Course it did_

"_But really Ian…promise me you'll make every day the best it can be, even after I'm gone_

"_I promise"_

And so I made the promise that that nearly tore me apart inside to keep. But it was a promise to my brother. And I had to keep it.

**  
****Don't tell me if I'm dying,****Cause I don't wanna know,**

With each and every passing day, despite my cool demeanor, everyone sees me dying a little bit inside. I see it. I see the light in my eyes dim the smallest bit with each passing day. It's not like I mean for it to happen…it just happens.

**  
****If I can't see the sun,****Maybe I should go,**

And maybe, if I'm dying little by little anyway, I should just die and get it over with.

**  
****Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming,****Of angels on the moon,**

And until death comes to me I will dream of the perfect place. Angels on the moon, just like Mum said.

**  
****Where everyone you know,****Never leaves too soon,****  
**

The place where everyone lives, each and every person. And they never leave. Ever.

**  
****This is to one last day in the shadows,**

But you know what? This darkness, this unhappiness…I'm sort of bringing it on myself. Really, how hard is everyone around me trying to get me up? And how hard am I trying? Not very.

Maybe if I just tried a little harder…made every day the best it can really be like I promised my brother.

Alright, here is to one last day being like…like this.

**  
****And to know a brothers love,**

To knowing what it feels like, when you're shot, wounded and bleeding on the ground and in the middle of all the chaos, your brother turns back and risks his own life to run back to you, shield you with his own body and blast the head off the bastard that dared to shoot at _his_ baby brother.

**  
****This is to New York City angels,**

To everyone around me that tries to help me out. To the queen, who has promised to do anything she can for me due to my saving both her and her family's life several times. To Alan Blunt, who has men stationed undercover all around Chelsea to make sure no one even dares to touch Jack or Alex. To Tulip Jones, who forces me to go to the hospital every time I walk into Blunt's office barely alive, holding whatever all important item it is that will cause the end of the world if in the wrong hands. To that old lady next door that has smiled good morning to me very single day since the first day she's moved in, laughing softly about how I look like her long gone son. To Jack. To Helen. To John. To Mum and Dad.

To Alex.

**  
****And the rivers of our blood,**

And to the rivers of blood created by all my fallen comrades, all the men I've seen and those I've not. That means you too, John.

**  
****This is to all of us,**

This is to all of us.

**  
****To all of us,**

Each and every one of us. **Don't tell me if I'm dying,****Cause I don't wanna know,**

And don't tell me if I'm dying because right about now, I don't want to hear it.

**  
****If I can't see the sun,****Maybe I should go,**

If the light doesn't reach me then maybe I should leave. But how the hell is the light supposed to reach me if I don't let it?

**  
****Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming,****Of angels on the moon,**

I dream of the light. And it's about time I let it in.

**  
****Where everyone you know,****Never leaves too soon,****  
**

It's about time I used my dreams to help me move forward.

**  
****Yeah you can tell me all your thoughts about the stars that fill polluted skies,**

You know, I wonder why Alex doesn't talk to me and I think I know why now.

**  
****And show me where you run to, When no one's left to take your side**

Because even I wouldn't talk to someone like myself. Someone bitter and cold like myself. And I'm the uncle here, it's my place to go to him, ask him what's up.

**  
****But don't tell me where the road ends,****Cause I just don't wanna know,**

He's one of the only people that won't tell me I look like hell today. He's just a kid and yet he's the only one that would never judge me. He is, my brother's son after all.

**  
****No, I just don't wanna know,****  
**

My brother's son. My brother's son whom I love with my life, who deserves so much more. Who needs someone there just as much as I do.

**  
****Don't tell me if I'm dying,**

I need desperately to feel like I did back when my brother was there for me, back when everything was alright. And I'll never get there if I keep on telling myself that I'm dying.

**  
****Don't tell me if I'm dying.**

No I'm not dying. I can step forward, with hopes, with the people around me and most of all with my dreams. My dreams of…

Angels On The Moon.

**I know, I know, it's a bit oc but hey, what can you do? =] I'm not too sure about this one so feedback would do wonderfully =]**

**Please Review!!**


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